Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
