My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
