I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
