I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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