I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
