This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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