Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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