There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
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When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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