I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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