Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
