I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Enjoy the penises
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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