Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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