Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
