A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
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Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
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I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.