From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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