i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases