You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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