Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.