you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.