I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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