I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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