i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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