the day after is always just damage control
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
