In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
