Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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