She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Two words: nipple clamps
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