shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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