I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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