all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
