I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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