he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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