I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
