I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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