Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
