Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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