It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
