I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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