that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
