Sry I called you an 8
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
