do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
