she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
