Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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