he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
