The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
