Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize