Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
