Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
