But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
