I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dicks are not precious.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
