bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
