I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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