i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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