Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
