i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
