It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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