Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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