Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
