normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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