oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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