Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
