the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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