Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
