I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
