Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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