if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
