So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
