whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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