Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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