Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
