Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
