Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
