I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
