dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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