i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My dick has a subreddit
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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