Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
