So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
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she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
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Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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