singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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