Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
