She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
