Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
