his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
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Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
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his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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